"Is there no way out of the mind?" - Sylvia Plath

For someone I hold dear:

It's an uncomfortable feeling looking at my life. Looking at where I was and who I am.

It doesn't feel right with me on this side for once. There are eras of my life that all I see is rain clouds.

They was a constant force pushing me down and away.

I've learned to mask the rain and learn from the clouds.

I remember so clearly how it looked, smelt and felt. I could describe every storm I ever had to make me feel that way. I can tell you how I got there and why I stayed wrapped in it's beautiful disaster. I can tell you everything everyone ever said to try and make it better.. or to try and make it worse.

Why is it so easy to feel the pain and remember the storm but so hard to remember how you escaped?

I wish I had an answer to why my life changed. I wish I knew that moment, that conversation, that circumstance that made that difference. I look back and have no idea why I decided to love. to listen. to change. The clouds will always be in my soul. They are a part of who I am. I've carried them with me since I can remember. They are the baby blanket you can't get rid of no matter how much smaller it seems now.

It's the greatest reason of why I feel connected with Sylvia Plath. There is an understanding there that is almost scary.

.... I just wish I had the answer to heal your heart.