Staying on track is hard sometimes.

The past week has worn on me.

Regret. I have never felt this feeling before and I hope it's one that doesn't last long. It's not something I want to feel ever again. It's like a thick fog that you can't get out of.

I should have never picked up that cigarette. I should have said no to seconds. I should have gone back to my family before it was too late.

I feel like we're trying to change so many things in our life right now that it's ridiculous. At the same time, I'd rather go full force and knock it all out then take 3 years trying to accomplish them one at a time.

• Smoking: Ryan and I are still working on the whole 'not smoking' plan. It's harder than I thought it would be. We sat down together last week and looked at the calendar and decided together what steps we should take each week to eventually not be smoking anymore. This week we're aloud 3 a day, next week 2, etc. until we're at 0. It pretty much sucks and takes way more will power than I have at the moment.
• Money: We are trying to be extremely strict with our money so we can get new furniture (if you've been to my house you know I need it), have a large savings, and live debt free. The first attempt failed this weekend while thrifting for Halloween/Christmas party costumes with Jeremy. We hit the jackpot at every store we went to. I got all of my Halloween costume taken care of and we found more Ugly Sweater Christmas Party outfits than needed. And who can resist "The Sound of Music", "My Fair Lady", and Bing Crosby records? Not I.


• House: I am trying to tackle our landscaping and get it all back to being beautiful - okay not beautiful, just not painful to look at. This requires way more time than I have available. I ordered a bunch of perennials to plant for the fall which are probably sitting on my front porch as we speak. This means I need to finish cleaning out the flower beds, move all of the Cannas to the back, buy a bunch of mulch, etc. BLAH. Which I have to say, I have been slowly working on this for the past two weeks and transplanting plants is not as easy as it looks. But I also don't have a green thumb so everything that has to do with gardening is harder for me.
This is embarrassing but this is how bad it had gotten on the side:



• Food: Ryan and I are now vegetarians. It's generally an animal cruelty issue. But the fact that it's healthier and helps you lose weight is icing on the cake. It's not something we want to make a big deal about or even announce to people. But at the same time, people will have to know because we'll still be dining with them and they might want to know why we ordered french fries only at Burger King. When Ryan and I first met I might as well have been a vegetarian considering how little meat I consumed. I generally hate the taste of meat - particularly ground beef. The only meat I thoroughly enjoy is a steak and bacon. Over the past 5 years meat has become a normal part of my diet mainly due to the fact that my husband loves it.

No time to lose! Must get busy!

On my end note:

I miss this little girl so much.