Monday, March 19, 2012

The List: Week 2 - 3 Fears

You can see Day 1 here.

2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

This one is kind of hard to me. It's a matter of deciding how personal and crazy I want to be on here. I have some very big irrational fears but the inner workings of them are pretty personal. I think I'll shoot for a little bit of both.

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1. Bugs. I hate them. I wish that I was the kind of girl that didn't scream when she sees a spider or a scary looking creature when she's gardening but I'm not. I'm scared they're going to get on me and they're going to be in my shoes when I put them on. That's just how it is.

2 I'm scared of walking in a room alone that occupies a stranger. This is pretty silly I realize. I've had this fear since I can remember. I believe it stems from being extremely shy my entire life, especially as a child. Cafeterias and churches will forever scare me for this reason.

3.I'm terrified of being told I can't have children or that I have some life threatening illness. This is actually serious and I wish I could explain this fear and just how deep it goes but I can't. This is something that's just grown in me in the past 4 years I've been married. It's probably because the thought of life without Ryan is unbearable. As well as the thought of Ryan being without me. It's an extremely irrational fear. I have no reason to believe that I can't have kids nor that I'm sick. It makes me feel crazy most days that those thoughts are in the back of my head. It's embarrassing and shameful but it's there and I can't deny that. There are days when that fear is paralyzing but most days I ignore it.

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