New Season

This year has brought so much change into my life already.
Change I thought was bad and then realized it was perfect.
It's not physical change. It's not change that's noticeable to the person on the street.
We're still a happily married family of two in our same beautiful disaster of a house.
But my life is different. My inner workings, thoughts and ideas are different.
And I'm comfortable. In a good way.
For the first time, in maybe my life, I feel comfortable where and who I am.
I'm not anxious for what's next and I'm not looking back with sorrow.
I'm truly learning to live for today and it's something I can't explain.
And something I've needed for 23 years.
I'm still having rough days now and again. The darkness still lingers but it's distant.
I see the light at the end because I can see the puzzle fitting together.
It's not what I thought it'd look like. It never is, is it?

Overall, I seem to have given up on most things which sounds like a bad thing but it's great.
It's so refreshing. I'm learning more and more what to care about and what doesn't matter.
And I've realized that most things don't matter. What matters is family. Family in a sense of your love for each other. Family isn't a bloodline. The people that I share my life with- that I grow with and learn with and hurt with are my family. And right now, that's all that I think matters.
I don't care about the appearances and baggage and "things" and petty words and drama and social networks and the social statuses and the rules.

It's weird, this place I am in.
But more importantly, I feel free.

I don't think I'll be back here for awhile.
It's just one more thing that I don't want in my life right now.
I feel this deep yearning for privacy and disconnect from the world right now.
And that feels so nice for so many reasons.