Slightly looking back; Big things moving forward

In 2012, I lost relationships,who I was, a dog & my ability to function without a child. 

In 2013, I quit smoking, found strength in my relationships, found who I am, lost a dog but gained 2 more & could pretty much care less about the subject of children. I am 100% okay with not being a mom & possibly never being one. Time will only tell & I'm happy with either outcome.

In 2014, I hope to never lose a dog. ever. can't do it 3 years in a row. I hope to continue down a path of relaxation & balance in all aspects of my life, including relationships. I hope to practice what I preach in my financial journey & reach my goals. I hope to lose 50 pounds, 20 of which was gained in 2013 after putting down cigarettes. 

I want to get healthy. Just like smoking, losing weight is one of those things we'll say we're going to do over and over and over & never actually do it. This year, just like with smoking, I feel the change & the realness of it all. I am totally going to mess up at some point & eat those McDonald's chocolate chip cookies that I crave ALL. OF. THE. TIME. but I'll get past it & I know it.

Every time we embark on a new "diet" I always learn something new that works best for us. I'm trying to use all of those things to help stay on stack this time.

• Stay organized but not too organized. Meal preparation & planning makes for a lot less stress during meal times which means you aren't as likely to throw in the towel & go get something. BUT I hate plans. I hate big commitments (how did I ever get married?). So I have to come up with meal plans that leave room for flexibility & change. I would totally love to be one of those people that cares enough to be a paleo freak but I know that I don't have the dedication. I can lean towards it & eat a lot of paleo meals but I know the second that I declare to only follow paleo diets that I will fail instantly. Thank you bags of frozen chicken breasts. You give me endless varieties & don't spoil.
• I know myself way too well to know that even if I pay for a gym, that I won't go to one. I won't. Oh, I probably will for the first week but I will have a thousand of the best excuses not to after that. I am a homebody. I always have been & always will be. I get embarrassed in front of strangers in places I am unfamiliar with, especially when doing something completely unfamiliar to me; ie. everything at a gym. I knew I needed to find a way that I would exercise but be comfortable at the same time. In comes my new gazelle. I love her. 
  
• I also know that I'm lazy in more than just that area. I need help getting weight off because if I don't see progress, I will definitely go order a dozen of those McDonald's cookies & enjoy being fat for another year. Thank you Plexus Slim for existing & curbing my appetite. 
  
• Nothing in this world will motivate me more than competing my husband for it & being rewarded for it. So thank you Tommie for being my partner so we can kick our husband's asses. I can't wait to win & rub it in their faces for eternity with our skinny butts & prizes.

I'll let you know at the end of the month how we did on this new journey. Until then, I'm going to go dream about cookies while eating baked chicken.

Weekly Round-Up: Aug 19-25

1. We had to "suit up" to visit our step-mom, Kim, in the hospital. She gave us quite a scare this week but seems to be doing much better now. She was released from the hospital today but still has some healing to do. 

We just ask that everyone continues to keep her in your thoughts & hope for a quick recovery!

2. Hank has had the luxury of being put in a pen, rather than a crate during the day. 

We finally bought him a crate because even with bricks around the pen, he moved that thing around everywhere. 

He hates his new crate. HATES. 

I swear that Satan himself has come out of his butt every single day in that thing. 

When I told him to get in his crate, he looked at me & then crammed himself in Comet's crate instead. 

He can't fit in there without sitting & curling up. He can't even walk into the thing. It's more like an army crawl but there was no way he was getting in his crate to be alone all day. 

Needless to say, it was so precious that I didn't bother arguing. 

He loves his tiny brother so much.

3. I've still been working on cleaning/organizing/throwing away the house.

This was my Sunday afternoon project: 

aka do something with the old bedroom/awkward room/dog room/music room/bicycle? room.

I was going to get rid of that table, filing cabinet AND mirror but look at me being all "reuse & recycle"...or whatever.

I took the big drawer out of the filing cabinet & removed the rolling track.

Now it's the perfect size to hide my big caboodle & hair products.

The table was my Grandma Audrie's. It's in pretty rough shape & used to have a V-shaped shelf right in the middle that just made it awkward. I took off the shelf & already have plans to reuse those.

I will eventually be sanding & painting it as well.

& yes, I did hang a mirror in between our double windows.

Lets face it. Natural light is the BEST to get ready in front of.

4. Ryan had his first band practice for a cover band that our buddy Matt is putting together.

I'll be honest & say that I'm excited because I could listen to Tommie sing all day & because well... it pays.

All I really care about right now is getting to New Mexico in November.

Vacation is calling to us so strong right now & we're focusing on saving every penny until then.

I can't wait to feel that cold mountain air in my hair & lungs.

Cranberries & Heating Pads: July 8-14

I've been in pain in bed since lunch Friday so I don't really have anything exciting to share about last week. My life for 3 days has been water, sleep, Tylenol, water, sleep, pools of sweat, water - repeat. Throw in the constant need for a heating pad even though I had a fever + a freshly neutered 56 pound doped up dog that just wanted to cuddle real close & you can start to imagine how much weight I've probably lost from sweating for 3 days straight. Oh & I didn't really have an appetite so I didn't really eat anything until last night. I tried everyday but I'd take 2 bites & be done. Thank you mozzarella bites for being so delicious even my sickness couldn't deny you. (Don't judge me, when you've tried eating a dozen different things & nothing works, it doesn't matter how healthy it is when you finally find something that does.) I went to Urgent Care last night & my lab results were kind of inconclusive. I don't really fit into any "boxes" with my symptoms so we're starting with the easiest diagnosis & going from there. Yeah me!

I do feel the best I've felt right now besides the fact that my work won't turn the air on so we'll see how this goes. I'm just crossing my fingers that my insides aren't broken.

Have I mentioned that I really hate Cranberry Juice?

I had to drink it for 3 months when I was 15 & haven't been able to stomach it since,

so thank you to everyone that told me about cranberry pills. I went out & got them immediately.

If I'm honest.

I'm going to be honest in saying that

I haven't always been happy.

It's been apparent that I've hit walls the past few years

that really left me struggling.

Sometimes there's not a real wall.

Sometimes I've just been sad.

Grumpy. Exhausted. Moody.

for no reason at all.

I posted this picture on Instagram this morning

& Rachel sparked something in her comment which read,

"Your eyes look happy. I like this."

Well my friend, the only response I have for this is,

I am.

I might be the happiest I've been in my life right now.

That's a hard thing to judge.

But right now, I am so happy.

I am so in love with my life.

My husband. My dogs. My family. My friends.

It happened without me even knowing it

& that is a beautiful thing.

Life feels good. I feel good.

& it's not because everything is going perfect.

It's not.

& that's what's so great.

I know what true happiness feels like.

This post brought to you by some hippie feeling love & self-esteem.

Weekly Round-Up: Apr 5-11

Our week in Instagram!

1. Triple-date night @ HeyDay with The Marshell's & Natalie & Jeremy. 2. Hank hiding from the vet in my hair. 

3. Tamra (who is a new friend this past year & I adore her) spilled an entire beer in her lap.

4. We Thundered Up! with Jeremy. 5. Ollie let Hank touch her without wanting to wrestle. We'll take it as a win.

6. I've found my love for creating again & spent all day Sunday crafting & watching Lost.

7. We watched our niece Ariah & she big girl laughed at our dogs wrestling the entire time.

8. I was sick this week & the dogs loved every second of it. 9. Our life now has 1% milk in it & we're not happy.

10. Something this cute is pretty self explanatory. 11. The hookah is back!

12. Oh Max, how I love you... & how you love cookies... or at least the icing!

Husband

Despite being sick & feeling pretty crappy, today I am thankful for:

- my new mint colored skinny work pants from UO on sale!

- the pot roast that's slow cooking as we speak so I don't have to make dinner tonight

- my best friend Tommie that brightens my day talking about snot with me

- kleenex. Otherwise everything around me would be soaking wet.

- my iPhone still being usable even though I shattered the glass

- Ryan who has been my husband for FIVE years!

photos via our anniversary trip to Austin, TX

Thank you for always loving me despite my crazy. 

I love you more than I thought imaginable.

You still give me butterflies.

photo via lame photographer from Enid, OK circa 12/01/07

I'll remember this day until we die.
I remember knowing just how much I loved you on this day.

photos circa early 2006

April & May 2012

Every year we have a few months that string together one bad thing after the next. Something usually happens with the house and then to our personal lives. We've hit those months.

• The squirrells have officially declared war on our house. If anyone would like proof of the damage that a squirrell can cause to your wood siding or shingles, come on over. Those little shits can chew.
• Lotion bottles have been flushed down toilets. Good news is, we have a really bad ass toilet that can flush things with a 1.5 inch diameter. This will come in handy when we have kids I'm sure.
• Windows have leaked water... just add it to the list of ways our house is falling apart.
• We lost Lady Bird.
• Ollie has been sick. She threw up for 12 straight hours. Come to find out, dogs with sensitive systems can't handle flea collars.
• I have been "sick". Not really sick but something is wrong with my body and it has caused so much joy, stress, anxiety, dissapointment and fear to last me awhile.
• I found out I have high cholesterol. This stuns me that I have to worry about clogged arteries at barely 23 years old.

To look on the bright side:

• I celebrated my 23rd birthday earlier this month & Ryan made it perfect. We just spent the entire day together starting with brunch @ Iguana's (I highly recommend it), a movie, bowling, dinner, etc. I wish every day was like that day.

• My birthday was also made special by dinner with my family, roller skating and a quiet "surprise" celebration with homemade ice cream cake with more friends.



• I've really learned a lot about myself and the people in my life these past two months.
• I know more than ever that God sent The Marshell's to be in our lives even more so to help us through times like the past few months. I wouldn't have survived without them. They are too dear for words. Not to mention, they are parents to my nephew so I have to adore them anyway. :)

• We're going on our first real vacation in 4.5 years in 19 days to meet our new little nephew Kyle who was born May 8th.



Meet Kyle Edward Adkins

• I have realized more than ever just how bad I want and am ready to be a mom.
• Having high cholesterol will force us to stay on diet and lose the weight we want off. I only wish our neighborhood wasn't too sketchy to go running in after dark.
• The Thunder just made it to the Western Conference Finals. That's pretty amazing.

On a side note, Blogspot's formatting is driving me crazy. I am not putting those gaps in between paragraphs. Even when I look at the HTML there are not spaces entered. I don't understand.

It's time to get serious.

We have just completed the second week of our Atkins journey.
We each had 30lbs to lose to get down to our "happy" weight. :)
(Now we each only have 20!)

So far, Atkins has been awesome. It's unlike any diet (I know Mollie! It's not a diet! It's a lifestyle!) I've ever done.
I actually looked forward to it for weeks before starting.
Also, the first day of a new diet is usually horrible. You're grumpy, hungry and bitter you even need to diet in the first place. Our first day felt awesome all day long. I was in a great mood, I wasn't any more hungry than I usually was and I felt refreshed!
I suppose the difference is that we're not eating "diet" food. We're eating normal food we would usually eat and just leaving out the carbs!

Also, considering we've cheated a few times already and still lost 5lbs each week.. I find that pretty impressive.
Now I understand all of those times I tried to count calories and never saw the weight come off.
IT'S THE CARBS THAT MATTER!

It feels great to care.

On a side note, someone stole a FedEx package off our front porch.
Our A/C is still broken but I don't care.
We're going to New York in June.


Now that we're getting the weight under control, it's time to get everything else in our life under control.
My goal is to start keeping the house in better shape.
We have a lot to do to our house within the next year and I don't want cleaning to be one more thing on top of it.

The Seventh Day

Today is Day 7 of the NutriSystem diet we started. I had heard some good reviews and outcomes from people I know and thought it was worth looking in to. Initially, it looked extremely expensive but after putting pen to paper it’s no more than we usually spend for food in one month so we’re giving it a shot. So far, the food has been really good. We’ve each had only one meal that we didn’t like but it was still tolerable enough to eat. You sign up online, order a month’s worth of food for breakfast, lunch, dinner and dessert and they ship it right to your door.

It’s been extremely convenient for a few reasons.

1. I hate grocery shopping.

2. I hate deciding what we want to eat for lunch and dinner each week

3. I don’t have to cook!

On the other hand, I’m really craving a burger from Irma’s, fajitas from La Luna and Onion Rings. Just lots and lots of onion rings.

I can deal. I have 30lbs to lose to get back to my pre-marriage self and there is no way I can not lose something doing this diet considering I’m barely even eating.

Ryan and I have been learning to live on very little this week. We literally haven’t had any money for a week now and although that’s a terrifying thought initially, I take a step back and realize; what does it matter? We have food, gas in our car, a roof over our head and all of our bills are paid so why do we need money to just sit in the bank so we can look at it and feel the urge to spend it? It’s scary that I am at peace with this. It’s a whole new way of thinking for me (and I think most Americans). We feel like we should always have money in the bank and in our wallets but we don’t. In fact, Ryan and I spend every penny we make each month on paper before we even get paid. Every penny goes to a bill, paying off debt or savings and that’s how it should be so why is it scary looking at a bank account that has $0.00 when you don’t need any money to begin with?

This leads me to my point that I am extremely thankful and excited that I am being forced to live outside of my box. I’m being forced to change the way I see food, money and materialistic objects. It is good.

"I can fly higher than an eagle. You are the wind beneath my wings." - Chickasha Theme Song

We are back in the work groove and it’s not very fun. It feels like torture being off for so long and having to go back.

Other than a few bumps, our break was splendid. We spent Christmas Eve at our house with Ryan’s mom and siblings (we missed you Christen!). Darren hung out until he had to go home to Skype with his wife and Jeremy came over to stay the night. Ryan and I decided to open our gifts at midnight (which I think we’ll make a tradition). It was fun waiting for the clock to turn to 12:00 before I could rip open my present. 11:59pm was the longest minute of my life. Ryan got me the coat that I’ve been wanting for a few months now and I was very excited! The three of us ended up staying up until 3:30am playing a new video game. We would have stayed up longer but Jeremy reminded us that we had to wake up at 9:30 so we should probably go to sleep.

We woke up late morning and I made waffles for the boys before heading to my mom’s house. The Manuel’s have always been big on Christmas morning. Every year I’m surprised by the amount of gifts under my mother’s tree. Her heart is made of gold I tell you. It was cute to see my mom’s reaction to the iPod Shuffle we all pitched in to get her. She just looked at it a minute and laughed while saying “I have no idea what this is.” J Oh mother, technology has passed you but you try and that’s what matters. Haha. This was also the first Christmas with Jeremiah there. Apparently my sister is extremely in love with this guy (thanks to her little sister pointing her in that direction for months) and we all love him too.

We spent some time with Jeremy at his aunt’s house afterwards so that he could see his momma. His family was very sweet and extremely welcoming. It was funny how I felt at home with his family. I suppose since Jeremy is so much a part of our family, that I already feel a part of his although we don’t know one another. His mother’s words to me were “So you’re the one who takes care of my son.”

Christmas Evening was spent at Warren & Kim’s house which is always a good time. The men enjoyed playing Wii Golf while I enjoyed talking with Kim. Early that morning Jeremy had said to us, “Congratulations on not getting the crap that’s been going around lately.” As Christmas evening progressed, Jeremy’s words came back to haunt me and I started to get body chills and aches. I haven’t been sick in almost 5 years so I’d forgotten what it felt like to be achy. I was confused at first by how I felt but within a few hours I knew I was in for it. By the time I got home around 10pm, my temperature was 99.4 and I was freezing cold. Ryan was exhausted and went straight to bed while I stayed up and played some more video games with Jeremy. I figured that I felt so uncomfortable I wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep anyway.

I spent Sunday, Monday and Tuesday in bed pouting about how I was ruining our vacation. I was coughing so badly that I was gagging and my stomach was so sore that it felt bruised. The coughing also seemed to make my kidneys and lower back hurt severely. I had to miss our family Christmas in Enid which I was really upset about. I still had a fever when I woke up Sunday of 100.5 and couldn’t risk going and getting everyone sick, especially my grandma. This was one of the first years in a long time that I was actually looking forward to going to Enid and I had to miss it. By Tuesday I was so sick of being in bed that I got up and went to the doctor. Seeing as though I haven’t been sick in 5 years, I don’t have a primary care so I went to one of those urgent care places. $80 later I had prescription cough meds and antibiotics. Was it worth the $80? Not really. Next time I’m finding a PCP.

I mainly forced myself to go to the doctor because I bought Ryan tickets to the Barons hockey game on Tuesday night for part of his Christmas gift and I needed to be well enough to sit in some bleachers for 3 hours without wanting to jump over the glass and let the hockey team kill me with their ice skates. The game was really fun. We’ll have to go again now that I’m feeling better and know how to get cheap tickets. I’m pretty sure that hockey is the hardest sport to play. It seems almost impossible to me.

The following days were spent eating at Ron’s Hamburgers, checking out the Plaza District, dyeing my hair fire engine red, going to see True Grit (AMAZING!), Edna’s with Jeremy and Kate (& finally meeting the mysterious Michael), coughing, Joey’s Pizzeria, staying up until 4am, shopping, my mom’s boyfriend Preston coming to town, snow tubing at the Ballpark, coughing, ice skating & Black Swan double date extravaganza, New Years, yelling at some dumb kids in our neighborhood at 4am for driving through the sweet old woman who lives next doors yard twice, coughing, tears, cuddling, dyeing my hair to a reddish/brownish color, our heater breaking, our refrigerator breaking, our bedroom ceiling getting closer to collapsing, coughing, and dreading the day I returned to work.

Double Date Photo Booth

This only lasted 4 days. It was Orange in 3.

My momma and her man. We like him. :)

I really wasn't in a good mood New Years Eve. I was pouty and really quite depressed. I was surrounded by those I love but I suppose you could say I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders lately. The clouds have come back as of late and I’m trying hard to push them away. My husband helps. I adore that man.

I’m making a New Year’s Resolution for maybe the first time in my life. My goal is to save more money by cracking down on our budget and living like we make $10,000 less a year than we do. We've decided this needs to be done. Our house seems like it’s falling apart around us and it’s all we can do to keep our head above water. For now, we have but we won’t for much longer. I don’t want to go into anymore debt and I don’t want to have to worry about where the next house expense is coming from. Therefore, until we are 100% out of debt and have our savings built back up we will be saying “no” to a lot more in life like parties, eating out and going to do things. The sacrifice will be much worth the reward.

I hope everyone had a really good Christmas and spent a lot of time with their loved ones.

Here are some pictures from Christmas and when we went to Chickasha to see the lights two weeks ago.

Ugly Sweater Christmas Party



Ryan and Jer loved the teeter-totter a little too much.